Lessons Learned from This Is Us

Pictured: (l-r) Mandy Moore as Rebecca, Milo Ventimiglia as Jack

Ron Batzdorff/NBC | 2016 NBCUniversal Media , LLC

I think half of America has been wondering how exactly Jack Pearson died.  And the other half wants to know who Jack Pearson is and why their wives cry so much on Tuesday nights! Ha! But seriously, the NBC show “This is Us” has captured the attention of so many of us.  It is one of the most highly watched shows on tv right now.

Last fall, NBC was hyping “This is Us” big time. I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to get invested in a new show. But after the first 15 minutes, I was hooked.  The characters on this show – the Pearson family, the love they have for each other, their life situations – all of it was so relatable.  So very real.  I watched and cried through the first season.  And I was counting down the days till new episodes began THIS year!  The family portrayed in this story is so endearing.  As you flash back and forth from their present story lines to their childhood memories, you get glimpses of what events occurred in their pasts that have shaped them and how they handle life now.

After the cry fest that was the first episode of this new season a few weeks back, I realized something...  Each one of the characters on this show, they would stick with me for days.  I would think to myself, “Ah if only Kate would do this...” or “Randall is going through this because he never dealt with...”

And that’s when God opened my eyes to this... “They never emptied their hurt pocket.”   

I’m sad to say, the Pearson family is not real.  BUT...  The issues each of the characters struggle with, their ups and downs – this is what makes people want to watch them every Tuesday night.  We can relate to them on some level. And if their story resonates so deeply with us, the viewer, then many of us have probably experienced the same hurts and problems as well.

If you haven’t watched the show, basically, the characters are haunted by the unresolved pain, hurt, and guilt they feel over their father’s (Jack Pearson) untimely death.  Seemingly, every choice they made moving forward in their lives was a result of that initial pain (with a few other childhood hurts thrown in there too).  But the death of their dad is a pain that runs so deep, one of them can’t even bring herself to speak the words to explain to her fiancé just exactly how her dad died! It’s just too gut-wrenching for her.

I know, you may be saying, hold on... Just what is a “hurt pocket”? Well basically, as Jimmy Evans puts it, it’s where we “store” up the pain we have experienced in life.  Often we carry with us hurt, guilt, rejection, and shame.  When we don’t deal with these issues (hello, I’m talking about YOU fictional Pearson family!) they will accumulate within our hearts. Thus, filling up our hurt pocket.

All of those accumulated and unresolved hurts, the build-up of all that pain...  well, we see that played out in “This is Us” for the Big 3, as Jack Pearson affectionately nicknamed his 3 kiddos. Kate struggles with her eating habits, body image, and self-confidence.  Her relationship with her mother is strained and she dreads her visits.  Kevin is an actor in Hollywood, constantly seeking approval and affirmation from others, codependent on his sister, Kate, often feeling like his family is a burden and a blessing all at once. Randall suffers from anxiety, wrestles with his identity as he was adopted into the Pearson family as a baby, deals with perfectionism, and at times is a workaholic.

Oof.  That’s a ton right there.  But it is a lot of stuff so many of us have experienced or are even dealing with this very moment. 

So what can we learn from a fictional family on tv? Plenty. This family is an example of what happens when people neglect dealing with their past hurts.  Listen, unresolved pain and hurt, it’s not good.  These characters show us that our physical, mental, and relational health is compromised when our hurt goes unaddressed.  When we hide it or stuff it down, it manifests itself. As Pastor John mentioned in the “Free Indeed” Series at West Ridge, time does not heal all wounds. 

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” They answered him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?” Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.  Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever.  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:32-36 (NIV)

Our pain can only be healed in the presence of God.  Jesus wants us free from the pain of the past. The restoration and freedom we are so desperate for can only be found by bringing our “hurt pocket” to the Lord.  We have to stop hiding and allow Him to gently address these areas and do His healing work in our hearts. And it’s so worth it.  My life – my very real, nonfictional story is a testimony of this. It is worth it ladies. So, so worth it.

How can we, in our real, not made-for-tv lives empty our “hurt pocket”?  The first step requires you bringing all of your stored up hurts to God.  Share your pain with the Lord honestly.  There’s no need to sugar coat it because, my friends, God already knows all the details anyway.  The next step is taking responsibility for your own responses to the hurt and confessing to any sin in your life.  Lastly, allow God’s mercy to flow into your heart so that you can show mercy as well.   This means forgiving yourself and forgiving others.  Sometimes that can be difficult, but if God has forgiven you, shouldn’t YOU forgive YOU too?

Do I think the fictional characters on this secular tv show will bring their “hurt pockets” to Jesus? I’m guessing, probably not.  But you can.  Kate, Kevin, & Randall Pearson will probably continue to move through life carrying pain and allowing the hurts from their past to affect their present.  But for you... Your very real hurt, your very real pain – you can take that to God this instant, this very minute, and allow Him to heal you... That’s my prayer for you today, sweet friend...  If you are struggling, wrestling with old hurt, may you find healing, in Jesus’ name... Amen.

Post by: Marcy Gates

The Little That Things Stick

Posting what I'm about to write actually feels really vulnerable to me. I've written vulnerable things before but typically they are past vulnerabilities not real time, current vulnerable things. So here it goes... A walk through my mind and heart so to speak...

No matter how hard we try, the little things stick. I'm talking about little things that people might say or do to us. Or maybe random things we read. Those little things begin to shape us. Sometimes they can shape us for the better; other times, not so much. And thrown in between can be downright lies. We are not always aware of the lies, or how the little things shape us. 

When I was a preteen I remember reading a devotional. The devotional talked about how the grass isn't always greener on the other side. The context was marriage and the example had to do with laundry. And the only other thing I remember is leaving that devotional time with this thought, "It doesn't really matter how your spouse folds the towels, the important part is that they are folding towels."

I don't know why I remember this. I don't know why my little teen devotional magazine was talking that in depth about marriage. But, I'm glad it did, because I think this concept has helped me in my marriage. A little thing that stuck with me that I didn't put there on purpose. 

When I was about 18 or 19 years old, a co-worker said something to me that shaped the way I thought about myself as a mother. I was going to college full time and I worked part time at a grocery store. My son, would stay with my dad. The grocery store was basically on the same route to and from school. Often times I would stop to get my paycheck either on my way to school or on my way home. A weekly occurrence at the time. But one day a co-worker said something along the lines of, "Geez, what do you do? I never see you with your kid."

I remember feeling shocked, then sad and guilty, then angry. I wanted to explain myself, "Well, you only see me while I'm working or on my way to and from school! I obviously wouldn't have my child with me during those times!" Humpf! But her words stung. And they settled deep. And for a long time, I operated out of that lie. That I somehow wasn't a good enough mom because she never saw me with my son. That I was somehow not spending enough time with him. It was a downright lie. One that I held onto for a long time. At some point I was able to uproot that lie and get free, but that one little thing, it shaped me. 

Fast forward to today. During Pastor John's 'Free Indeed 'series at West Ridge, he talked about lies we believe versus the truth that sets us free. And I realized that there are these little things, lies, which I've let stick and have been operating out of. The vulnerable part here, I don't know what all of them are right now, but I know that they are there. So I'm asking God to show them to me, to reveal them so I can cut them off and move on. It might take some time (mostly because I can be stubborn sometimes) but I know God will continue to set me free. 

I think that's why it's so important to stay "plugged in". Plugged in to church community, small groups, serving, reading God's Word, worshipping. Little by little God's breaking down the little things that stick. And I'm so glad He's not done with me yet! The best is yet to be! 

While reading this were you reminded of little things that stuck with you?  Were there good and/or bad things? How do you combat the lies? We'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Post by: Jimmie Lee DiIanni