What God Has Joined Together...

At the Women’s “Captivating” book study this past June, I heard the testimony of the sweetest girl from Louisiana you would ever want to meet, Jennifer Miller.  She bravely got up in front of all the ladies in our group and tearfully gave her testimony of how God saved her marriage.  As I listened to her amazing story, I knew it was a story that needed to be shared with all of you as well!  So settle in with a cup of coffee (or your favorite beverage!), a box of tissues and get ready to hear a great love story.  But this love story is different.  It’s not just about how a guy and girl meet, fall in love, and get married. It is the grander story of God’s rescuing and transforming love!

Jennifer grew up in Shreveport, Louisiana. Back when Jen was growing up, it was a small town.  She attended a private Christian school and spent most of her time involved in school or church activities throughout the week.  Growing up, Jen knew she wanted more of an adventurous life and wanted to break out of her small town bubble. Right after graduating high school, Jen moved to California.  While working in California, she became engaged to a man twelve years her senior from her hometown.

Jennifer gave up her California lifestyle and moved back to Shreveport.  Her engagement however, did not last.  She broke it off and swore off of dating for awhile.  Jen wanted to start college but by now she was a bit older than most freshmen.  None of the colleges she applied to were calling her.  Desperate to leave Shreveport again, Jen quickly accepted an invite from an old friend to visit the University of Lafayette three hours away.

While on her visit, Jennifer attended a cookout.  As she was mingling amongst friends she saw sitting on the couch, the man who would be her future husband, Josh.  Before you know it, the cute shy guy on the couch got up the courage to talk to her.  She and Josh clicked right away and Jen was convinced that the University of Lafayette was the place for her.  Two weeks after she applied, she was accepted.

As Jennifer and Josh got to know each other more and began dating, Jennifer came to the realization that they were unequally yoked.  Despite her Christian upbringing, Jen drifted away from the morals and values she had once held dear.  She knew that even in dating, she needed to be equally yoked, yet she accepted that Josh just wasn’t where she was spiritually. There was something about him that just seemed to stick with her.

After a year and a half of dating, Josh proposed to Jennifer.  Josh’s mom was not very supportive of the engagement and appeared to Jen to be unaccepting of their relationship.  This ended up causing some of issues in their marriage later on.  As they moved through the wedding planning process other issues would come up along the way that they pushed through.  Jen began to recognize that Josh avoided conflict and when disagreements arose with his mom, he would not defend Jen.

Despite all the drama during their engagement, Jennifer and Josh were married in January of 2008.  (Although, Jen refers to it as, “having had a wedding.” Looking back on her story now, she feels it was not the day they were truly married.)  Two months later, the couple bought their first home and settled in to married life.

However, problems were beginning to rise to the surface.  While working and going to school, Jennifer was struggling with the stresses of life.  She had gained some weight and Josh became critical of that.  Both of their expectations of what a husband and wife were to be weren’t being met.  Josh expected Jen to be more of a homemaker and was taking his frustrations out verbally.  Meanwhile, Jen was not being obedient or submissive to her husband.  All the while, they were looking for a church home.  As they visited different churches Josh became more unsupportive of Jen.  It was becoming clear that he was not interested having a relationship with Jesus.

As time went on, the couple continued to grow farther and farther apart.  Things were not going well in the marriage.  Jen had the opportunity to study abroad in Paris and she jumped at the chance to escape.  Josh told Jen that he didn’t want her to go.  He felt like he couldn’t be without her.  Despite Josh’s disapproval, Jen booked her airline tickets and headed to France. Jen had a wonderful time in Paris and Josh did come to visit her.   In the end though, the entire situation seemed to tear down their marriage further.

After a year and a half of marriage, Jennifer and Josh’s relationship was crumbling.  She had moved to the guest room in their house.  She had reached the point where she felt like she despised him.  Spiritually, she was feeling weak.  The couple tried counseling but it only seemed to make things worse. Jen felt like Satan was just pouring things into her life to keep her distracted and keep her from working on the things she needed to work on.  It was at this time too, that Jennifer preoccupied herself by developing a friendship with another guy. 

By now, Jennifer felt like she wanted a divorce.  She felt like she needed time away from her and Josh’s situation and that she needed to heal.  So Jen decided to move out.  She told Josh that they needed to separate and Josh was stunned. 

Meanwhile, the friendship that Jennifer had developed with another guy had turned into an affair.  Also around this time, the man that Jennifer had been engaged to years before had passed away unexpectedly.  Not only was she struggling with her own declining marriage but now she was grieving the loss of a man that she had at one time, promised to spend the rest of her life with. Jen was hurting but Josh was unable to understand or empathize with her.

Jennifer felt like she just needed to get away from her situation.  She moved out of her home and in with a good girlfriend who let her stay in a room in her house.  She found a job that involved extensive travel.   She felt like it was a perfect situation because she could escape all of her problems at home.  But, when you are running from yourself there really is no escape.

Jennifer was hurting and trying to end the affair she had started.  Working out of state turned out to be a blessing for her.  She was able to get plugged in to a local church, she got involved in a women’s Bible study, and received therapy from the local college.  All the while, Josh was still trying to persuade Jennifer to come home.  He would send her flowers each week despite her protests.  Jen told Josh that all he was doing was pushing her away.

Unknown to Jennifer, while she was out of state, a transformation was taking place in Josh.  He was earnestly seeking God. He was attending their old church and receiving counsel from the pastor.  The desperation over his situation with Jen had driven him to Jesus.

One weekend when Jennifer was in town for a visit, she confronted Josh.  She told him to stop sending her flowers, to stop pursuing her, and to stop fighting for her.  But Josh would not be dissuaded.  Incensed, Jen said to Josh, “Fine.  If you aren’t going to stop fighting for me then you better know what you are fighting for.” And with that she admitted her affair to Josh. To Jen’s utter shock, Josh replied, “I’m still going to fight for you.”  At that moment, Jennifer had for the first time, really experienced God’s love through someone else.

The couple was still on the verge of divorce.  But you never should put a period where God has placed a comma.  Little by little, God was working on Jen and Josh.  Josh was becoming more involved in church and was steadily developing his own relationship with Jesus.  He had gotten to the point where he had taken off his wedding ring, placed it in a box with all the couple’s wedding pictures and told God, “I’m giving this over to You now.” 

In light of all that though, Josh had made an appointment with an attorney to move forward in the divorce process.  He told Jen one Friday that everything was set for a meeting the following Monday morning.

However, Josh called Jennifer that Monday and informed her he cancelled the appointment.  Jen was angry.  She wanted closure and just wanted the whole ordeal to be over.  Little did she know that over that weekend, Josh had run in to an old friend who had been in his same situation years before.  The friend advised Josh, “Don’t give up!”

Meanwhile, that same Monday, on a flight heading back to work, Jen was seated next to an older gentleman who just so happened to be a chaplain.  The two began a conversation that would turn into a wonderful friendship to this day.  G.A., as Jennifer calls him, (short for guardian angel) would text or call her daily, encouraging her, reminding her to trust in what God had for her.  He continually took the focus off of her marriage and had her reflect upon herself.  He would call her to let her know he was praying for her, even calling her one night at 4 a.m. giving her a word that he had received for her.  It turns out it was confirmation the exact same word that Jennifer was given at her Bible study only hours before! God was continually placing people in both Jennifer and Josh’s lives that would encourage them not to give up on their marriage. 

A few weeks later, Jennifer and Josh met up for coffee and the tide began to turn.  They began talking more and getting to know each other again.  They started courting and Jennifer realized that Josh was a changed man.  There was something wonderfully different about him.  And that wonderfully different thing was that he was now a man transformed by the love of Christ!

Jennifer and Josh were slowly growing closer together again.  The couple came to the realization that they truly wanted to start over.  Two months later, Josh re-proposed with a new engagement ring and the couple decided to renew their vows.  They agreed that since they were starting over, they wanted a new beginning.  So the day before their renewal ceremony, they were baptized together.

Jennifer and Josh’s marriage is drastically different these days.  They made God the center of their marriage. They agreed that their free will had put them into their original situation but it was also their free will that allowed them to choose to be obedient to God.  God transformed both of them and healed their marriage.

Today, Jennifer and Josh live with their adorable daughter, Audrey and are joyfully awaiting the arrival of Baby Nora this February. They still have their ups and downs like any married couple does but after having experienced the true eternal love of Jesus and the power of forgiveness, they have vowed to never revert back to their past.  They don’t dwell on their past but willingly share their testimony with others. Their biggest message for couples today is that no matter where you were when you met your spouse, the reason why God put you in each other’s lives is to show your spouse how much God loves them through YOU!

Now dry those happy tears, clear away the Kleenex!  It’s time for Jennifer to answer the Super Six questions!

1. Are you a morning person or night owl? Night owl!!!
2. What was the last book you read? “Captivating” by John & Stasi Eldredge
3. What is your favorite way to relax? Getting a massage or maybe a mani/pedi!
4. What would you have for the perfect meal? That’s a hard question for a pregnant woman! A good rib eye steak, crawfish etteoufe, some veggies and sweet tea.
5. What is your favorite Scripture to meditate on in times of stress? There’s so many…  Philippians 4:13, the verses about the armor of God and the fruits of the Spirit.
6. What is your favorite thing about West Ridge? The people!  Jesus shines through everyone there!